By Andrea Goeglein
2014 was a ‘rite of passage’ year for me as a mother.
My only child celebrated her 30th birthday. She celebrated by ushering many new experiences into her life. The interesting part of her celebration for me was that I began to receive lots of inquires about my emotional state! As her birthday approached, many who have known me during the last 30 years wondered if I was sad, or panicked, or sorrowful. I was surprised at the inquiries. In fact, looking back, my emotional state was downright gleeful.
Having been a child when the slogan ‘don’t trust anyone over 30’ came into fashion, I had unconsciously viewed ones’ 30th birthday as the real rite of passage into adulthood. Of course, 18 and 21 have legal merit and every young adult (including me) looks forward to those life markers as ‘the point’ to prove they are now adults. From best I can tell, those rites of passage allow you to test how wrong you really are about life. At 18, you can leave home, pile up debt, get married, drink, drive, vote and go to war without asking permission. At 21, it is harder to find someone who is legally responsible for any of those things you were allowed to do at 18. Thirty on the other hand, is no longer about asking permission or others potentially being responsible for your decisions. At 30 you not only do those younger than you think you no longer understand them, but you get to take all the responsibility for everything you do and no one cares if you asked permission or not.
Having studied the research on moral development as part of my doctoral work, I have longed to see a longitudinal study done on two age groups, ten years apart, asking just one questions. The two age groups would be aged 18-21, and 30-33. The one study question would be: What 10 things matter to you the most today?
I, for one, was married at 20 and divorced at 21. I graduated high school at 17 refusing to go to college and then invested from 21-40 getting an undergraduate, Masters and a PhD. By the time I was 30, I had married again, owned my first operating business, had my now 30 year-old child, lost my youngest brother Wayne at the onset of a global medical epidemic and my husband had lost a job he loved.
You see, that was all part of why I was gleeful when my daughter, Dana, turned 30 in April 2014. I knew I was opening the way for my next 30 years. I would continue to care deeper than I ever thought possible, but I was gaining a level of healthy detachment from outcomes. My responsibility was now totally centered in my “respons-i-bility”.
Dr. Success Challenge: Ask yourself today, ‘What 10 things matter to me the most.’ Seal your answers in an envelope and save somewhere that you remember and open in January 2025. I hope you have a huge laugh when you read it.
