Silence Does Not Have To Mean Somber!

In January 2014 I set an accountability goal with my global Master group of incredible women:

“I will go on a 3 day retreat by 6/30/14.”

During the ensuing months of TEDxUNLV preparation and execution, I remembered the goal, but not that I had put an exact date for achieving it (with hindsight I should have known that with my Master group any goal would have required a stated completion date.)

The need for solace hit a crescendo when I learned of the unexpected death of a friend’s child.  It was one of those moments when the statement about worry became a reality:  There is no constructive purpose for worry.  What you worry about rarely happens and what does happen, you would have never thought to worry about.

I quickly found a retreat center within several hours’ drive of my home and made a reservation for the following week.  Before heading to my retreat I made a day trip to visit my grieving friend.  As I departed for my retreat, I was obviously in an introspective mood.

The grounds of St. Andrew’s Abbey are nestled in the high desert of California.  Nature is the centerpiece with birds, ducks, koi, snakes and butterflies all incased in a bright blue sky.  The resident monks live a life of prayer and solitude.  The retreat center was filled with many visitors, all observing the acknowledged periods of silence, or speaking softly.  That was just what I needed.

Except…by the morning of the second full day, I realized something.  Most people were observing silence and they were not smiling.  It struck me why silence as a rejuvenation technique is frowned upon by so many optimistic extroverts. It is not the silence extroverts necessarily reject.  It is the unwritten rule that silence means somber.  Think about it.  How many smiling people do you come across in a library?

I was reminded of a meditation technique by Dr. Gard Jameson who taught:  When you meditate, first put a smile on your face, then close your eyes and begin your breathing practice.  You will be amazed how your mood will elevate after such a meditation.

With that guidance clearly in mind, I made a commitment to smile during my silent meals, as I wrote in my journal and most of all, when I encountered any other human being.  I invite you to embrace the concept that silence and smiling can clear your mind and open your heart.

With a smile, A

P.S.  In an effort to be balanced, Rev. Marquita Pierre-McAllister, an over-the-top extroverted optimist did share that when she is in silent retreat, she specifically does not smile and make eye contact with others.  She said that when she seeks silence it is for the purpose of total communication with God, and making eye contact, smiling, etc. potentially breaks that bond.