Gratitude for Awareness and Perspective

Gratitude.  I dare say, I feel the word gratitude is so overused the word, its use, and its place in human development, have become a cliche’.  Then something happened and I became aware of another perspective.

During what has become an almost endless move from one home to another, I have had the opportunity to meet new service people.  The crew responsible for the demolition and re-framing of our drywall have been with us longer than many (mostly because of a cease and desist order we received shorty after moving in, but that is another story for another day).   The lead on the drywall team is a man named Russ, who is about my age.  During the hours we have spent together, he shared bits and pieces of the challenges he had with an adult son.  For many reasons, Russ has raised his son’s little girl since her birth two and a half years ago.  This week, Russ needed to delay our job to go to court to attempt — yet again — to be granted full custody of his granddaughter.  After several days of delays, he finally won.  He was elated, I believe as much because his long battle had been won as the joy he receives from having his granddaughter to come home to each day.

The day Russ won custody, I happen to be shopping at one of my favorite stores — Target — so I seized the opportunity to fill a gift bag with some girly cloths and a tea set.  I had fun wrapping the gifts and looked forward with anticipation giving the gift bag to Russ when he arrived the next day.  As the work day began, I led Russ to the bag.  He smiled, said his granddaughter would love getting the bag, and began work.  He was low-key about the bag,  clearly wanted to save it for his granddaughter to open, and was visibly uncomfortable with our interaction.

Hours into the workday, I prepared to leave the house and I let Russ know I was leaving.  With his eyes cast down, and is a low voice he said, “I really want to thank you for the bag.  No one has ever done anything that nice for me before.”  His words momentarily shook me.  I eased my discomfort by saying something humorous and I took my leave.  Once in the car my husband, Richard, told me that after I left Russ repeated the statement he had said to me.  Richard and I both paused.  We knew at that moment Russ’ statement was true for him.  This is what I was also aware of at that moment:  I knew our lives had been filled with so many gift bags, over so many years, from so many friends and loved ones that I (maybe we) had lost that deep feeling of gratitude that comes with receiving an unexpected gift.

What I was also aware of at that moment was that my perspective had changed.  Deep down, I always thought it was BS that it feels better to give than to receive.  I have a hundred different jokes about that topic.  I know I have taught the finding in Positive Psychology which ‘proves’ the meaningful life is more satisfying than the pleasurable life, but I will always remember the moment I viscerally experienced the teaching.

Russ may have thought my action was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him, but I know what he did for me will change my life forever.

Thank you, Russ.