by Andrea Goeglein
Do you ever ‘fake care’? You know what I mean, someone you know, work with, or even love, starts a conversation and you pretend to care about whatever they are discussing. In truth, you would rather be in the dentist chair having an impacted wisdom tooth extracted. That is ‘fake care.’
I was introduced to the concept in a hilarious way. A spouse was describing how she felt when her partner began a ‘discussion’ about some topic of concern to the partner. The spouse shared that how about 10 minutes into those ‘discussions’, she started to ‘fake care.’ Listen but not listen. Hear but stopped hearing. That was when I started to laugh.
I know I have ‘fake cared’ a lot in my life. And I know you have, too! I can think of work situations, home situations, neighbor situations — generally lots of situations — where I entered the zone of ‘fake caring.’ It is a little like your ears doing an eye-roll, but it feels safer since it is not as noticeable.
Just because it is not as noticeable, however, does not mean it is not as damaging to your relationship with the speaker – and yourself.
Dr. Success Challenge: Get ready to Be Brave. Next time you become aware you have entered the ‘fake care’ zone, pause the conversation. Yes, you read correctly.
Pause the conversation.
Admit to the listener that you have stopped listening and want to apologize. Yes, you read that correctly, too.
You want to apologize.
You want to apologize and you want to set an additional time to complete the conversation so you can be mentally present. ‘Never’ is not an acceptable additional time. Some time within the next 24-hours constitutes ‘additional time.’ You will then have the time to sculpt a response that will allow your partner to be heard and for you to be heard by your partner (or co-worker, or neighbor).
You will have honored your partner’s need to be heard. You will have honored yourself by being true to your feelings. You will have grown in awareness and you will have strengthened a relationship.
#DontDiePrinciples #TeachWhatYouNeedToLearn
Thank you for being brave, Andrea
